My Twin Pregnancy

I have been slacking on my posts lately due to not feeling so well and fear.  Obviously this pregnancy is completely different from Mason's, and I wasn't prepared for the sickness and mental impact it would have on me.  For the first 14 weeks there was constant nausea and extreme exhaustion that I never experienced before.  Thank goodness for my super amazing husband who took care of everything from cooking, shopping, and giving Mason his beloved baths.  I was mad because I wasn't able to do the things that I have always taken for granted.  I felt like a bad mom and a nonexistent wife.  My pregnancy with Mason never hindered me from doing anything and I was struggling big time with these two precious babies inside of me.  And double the hormones was not helping my mental state.  I cried a lot, but at least now I can look back and realize I may have not been thinking rationally:) 

The fear comes from a lot of things.  I was scared to death of what is going to happen to my body.  I know this may sound superficial, but I am a little person.  How are two Boileau-sized (remember how I looked with Mason???) going to fit inside my belly?  At 16 weeks, I am already the size I was with Mason at 22 weeks and I was measuring ahead with him! Good thing these kids are coming in the winter because shaving my legs at the end is probably never going to happen. Lol! Will I ever get a good night's sleep? I need to get as much rest as possible before the sleep deprivation kicks in of having two newborns in the house again.  Am I going to have to give up the heels and kickboxing soon?  Am I going to get stretch marks this time because I did not with Mason? (I have been lathering up on the cocoa butter every chance I get). How am I supposed to pick up Mason and cook dinner at the same time?   My doctor already wants me to limit picking up Mason because I am having Braxton Hicks contractions.  She should explain that to my little 22 month old who always wants to be in my arms.  These are things that go through my head constantly.

Then there is the fear of my babies not surviving.  When I tell people that I am pregnant with twins, I usually get three reactions.  The first one is excitement and happiness.  The other reaction is "Oh s***t"! I am fine with either of those.  What gets me is the people (yes more than at least 10) who feel the need to tell me about someone they new that was pregnant with twins and lost them.  I hear stories about miscarriages in all trimesters, still born babies, only one surviving, and other unimaginative horrible things that a pregnant woman with twins should not hear! I wish these people would keep these stories to themselves.  I know they are not trying to hurt me, but I am a crazy hormonal hypochondriac who is now constantly paranoid that something is going to happen to my angels. I am at the point now where I stay away from negative comments and trust that God will keep my babies safe, but really????? 

Lastly comes the fear of how in the heck are Marc and I going to handle twin newborns and a 2 year old?   We are extremely thankful that Mason is such a well-behaved, mild-mannered kid who loves to sleep.  My little "teenager" sleeps until 9:00 or later on the weekends! I pray the twins get their sleeping habits from their daddy too because that man can sleep! Can our cars even fit 3 carseats? How do I breastfeed 2 babies?  Will I ever be able to go to the supermarket with three kids? The carts aren't big enough! Is there a class I can take to teach me how to carry two newborn carseats all while making sure my toddler doesn't run into the street? Will I ever be on time for anything? Are showers and make-up no longer going to be part of my daily routine? 

I am able to write this post now because I am finally starting to feel better and ready to conquer my fears.  I decided that I could either sit around and cry thinking of all the what ifs or I can snap out of it and start the planning process.  I am a positive person and all of this negative energy was consuming my every day thoughts.  If I get stretch marks, there are treatments for that.  If I have to wear flats (gasp!), I will buy the coolest ones.  If I gain a million pounds, my friends and family will help me to stay focused and lose the weight.  I have the most amazing support system and I know that Marc and I will survive with twins and be the best parents we can be.  I truly believe that God gives me what I can handle, so bring on the challenge!

Belly shots and more positive posts to come!